It's funny how easily I have forgotten that I didn't give birth to Ren. We are just living life with our daughter like she has always been with us. But the truth is, she hasn't. There were almost 22 months of her life that I missed. I wasn't there when she was born, or when she was abandoned on a cold day in December. But there was one person who was there, her birth mom. How she loved her enough to leave her, I will never know. I haven't taken a lot of time to think about her lately. But in the last few days I have had some special alone time with Ren. She has been waking up early from her nap. So we have rocked and snuggled. And I have stared into her big brown eyes, and it hit me that there was someone else who looked into those eyes, her birth mom. When Ren gets old enough to ask about her birth mom, I am going to assure her that she was loved. Her "mother" loved her so much that she gave her life. There is a song by Christian artist, Mark Schultz, (who is adopted), called, "Everything To Me". It's a song he wrote to his birth mom. The song says, "when you gave me up, you gave everything to me". That's exactly how I feel. I get to look into those big, brown, eyes for the rest of my life. I get to hear her call me "mama!" about 100 times a day. I get to wipe her tears and hear her laugh. I get to watch her sleep while she makes that sweet little sucking sound. For forever, I get to be her mom. One thing is for sure, when Ren's birth mom gave her up, she gave everything to me!
