His mercies in disguise....

Proverbs 16:9  The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

I posted this verse with a picture of my positive pregnancy test to Facebook on January 27, 2012.  I am posting it again tonight followed by these brief words, my pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, but I know the Lord is good and I know He establishes our steps.

Back in January I began to feel a little sick.  I faintly remember feeling that way one time before.  I felt the same thing when I was pregnant with Henry.  Though we were definitely not trying to have a baby, I thought I should take a test, just in case.  The positive sign literally knocked the breath out of me.  The tears began to flow, (not of joy, I might add).  I mean, I am almost 36, I have three children already, and not mention I had begun filling out papers for our next adoption.  And did I mention I was supposed to board a plane bound for Uganda, Africa, on March 30?? I had my plan!!!!

So, I went to the doctor.  Told the world I was pregnant.  Canceled my trip to Uganda, (doctor's orders), and began to fall in love with the baby growing inside.  Though all the while I had a feeling that something wasn't right.

I went in for my 8 week appointment and begged to have an ultrasound.  I remember walking down that hall to the ultrasound room.  I could not wait to hear that "woosh, woosh" of my baby's heart beat.  I have had several ultrasounds so I knew what to look for.  I laid there on the table staring expectantly at the screen, but there was nothing.  A gaping black hole......no heartbeat, no baby, not my plan.

I went in the next week for a follow up ultrasound.....nothing.  I walked out and had to sit in a waiting room.  Everywhere I looked were pregnant people.  This is not very pretty, but it is very honest.  I started to look around me and think "Why?"  Why is her baby fine?  "Look at her, she can't be more that 16 years old!"  "Look at her, look at all her tatoos!"  I have to say, I am not proud of all the thoughts I had.  When I got home I was looking in the mirror and getting ready, the thoughts came again.  And then the tears began to flow as the Lord began to reveal to me how wrong I was to judge anyone's worth or their worthiness to be a mom by how they looked or the horror of my own circumstances, (that were not my plan).

I ended up having a D and C.  I have to say it was one of the worst days of my life.  The tears would just not stop.  This was not my plan!

I had a plan, but the Lord established my steps.  And you know what?  I am thankful.  Why did I get pregnant?  I didn't want to be pregnant.  And just when I started to get excited about our new baby.....miscarriage.  I do not know the answer.  But I do know that the Lord loves me.  I am thankful for the children He has blessed me with.  My children amaze me.  I am not a teen mom.  I am not covered in tatoos.  But I AM the one who is not worthy of the gifts the Lord has given me.  So, am I ok?  Yes!!!  I am walking in thankfulness and trusting that , like the first song on my playlist, "Blessings", by Laura Story, says His mercies are in disguise

By the way, I know everyone wants to ask, but is too afraid to.  Will there be any more Griffin children in the future?  Tyson would probably answer, 'NO"!  But remember, the Lord establishes our steps AND I have a plan!!  HA!

Happy Gotcha Day/Forever Family Day!

I can not believe it has been a year since Ren was placed in my arms and she forever joined our family.  Though I have watched the following videos many, many times, I found myself thinking today...who was it that placed her in my arms.  For a few brief seconds I couldn't remember if it was her care giver or another staff person from the orphanage.  While I was thinking about that today, I was almost panicked that I couldn't think of who it was that handed me my daughter.  Then a small, still voice whispered to my heart, it was the Lord.  He handed me my daughter, His creation, His treasure, to call my own.

* Don't forget to pause that playlist!

Moments before getting Ren........

Moments after meeting Ren....

Free Day?

We arrived in Beijing On Monday, August 23, 2010 around 11:00pm.  The next day was a free day.  Tyson and I slept most of the day.  When we got up we went walking around Beijing.  We went to a local grocery store that was a few blocks from our hotel.  I remember thinking, "Wow. We really stick out"!  I guess I thought Beijing would be like large cities in the US, lots of diversity.  Nope!  Beijing is lots of Chinese people and then me and Tyson. 

A year ago?

It is hard to believe that a year ago Tyson and I boarded a plane and headed to China to pick up our daughter, Ren.  I have been looking at pictures, watching videos, and reading emails from our China trip and I stand amazed.  I wanted to share some "unseen" and  "seen" footage from our time in China.  The video on today's post is from the Atlanta airport on Sunday, August 22, 2010.  It is crazy to me how I explain we are going to get Ren as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world.  When I think back to those days, I am still completely shocked at how calm I was.  I can honestly say the Lord guarded my heart from anxiety and fear and blessed me with peace and assurance.

Here's the first video in the "Returning to Our Road to Ren" series!
* Don't forget to scroll down to pause the playlist before watching the video.

Not yet!

I can not believe Ty is a first grader!  I have a confession to make.  When I was a homeroom teacher I would always get frustrated with parents who walked their kids in to their class EVERY DAY.  I mean, really, they can get to their room by themselves.  Cut the apron strings people!  Well, that was until "my baby" came to school.  I walk him to his class EVERY day.  He wants me to.  He holds my hand.  The other day he said, "Mommy, you are so beautiful"!  I just wanted to cry because I am painfully aware that there is a day coming when he will not want me to walk him to his class.  He will not want to hold  my hand in front of everybody and he certainly won't think I'm beautiful.  But....not yet!

So.....About the garden

Genesis 3:18-20

By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.

 

Well, I have to say planting a garden was something I thought I would never do!  It was a very rewarding experience.  We planted about 40, YES 40, tomato plants, 9 cucumber plants, peppers, okra, watermelon, squash, sunflowers, and some herbs.  I was showing the garden to my friend Jennifer.  She discovered the first tiny little squash.  I squealed and got a little teary eyed.  Jenny laughed and said, "I didn't see you get that excited when your kids were born!"  I have to say it was an emotional experience.  I also have to say, "note to self, 40 tomato plants and 9 cucumber plants was a little much".  So, I don't know if I will continue to eat my food by the sweat of brow until I return to the ground, but this was definitely the first of many gardens.



An Even Happier Day

Oh Happy Day...... After the pastor announced, "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. Tyson Griffin"... applause.....we walked down the aisle to "Oh Happy Day".  And it was a happy day.  In my mind, it was the happiest day ever.  At that time, I couldn't imagine a happier day.  I was even slightly depressed thinking nothing would ever compare to this day.  It couldn't get any better.  I had no idea. 

Our wedding day wasn't the culminating event to our loooooonnnngggg dating relationship, it was just the beginning of an amazing journey.  Tyson and I just celebrated our 10 year anniversary.  Including the 6 1/2 years of dating, (the reason our song is "At Last"),we have been together for almost 17 years! 

We met at Dalton College.  I was 18.  Tyson was 19.  It was the second semester of our freshman year.  We had almost every class together.  We even had ping pong class together.  Let me say, he acted so crazy in that class.  Diving and turning flips just to return a ping pong ball?  Well, he had me!  And that is how it all began.

The last 17 years of my life have been amazing, not because they have been perfect, but because I have spent them with my best friend.  We have laughed, cried, yelled, had children/gotten children, traveled the world, and just done nothing together.  For our anniversary we took a trip to Punta Cana, Domincan Republic, (no children allowed).  I have to say, I love my kids, and I love to go places with them, but there is nothing like being with my husband and actually talking to him.  Sometimes I think our culture tries to make us moms feel guilty for leaving our children.  How could we leave our children for that long?  How could we be that far away from them?  To anyone who feels that way, let me assure you, it is one of the best things we have ever done for our marriage and for our children. 

To my husband, my best friend, Tyson, I always tell you that you are the man of my dreams, but that isn't true.  I never dreamed I would be married to a man like you.  You love me, which is amazing in itself.  You support me and applaud me.  I love to watch you with our kids.  The crazy loud wrestling with the boys, and now a little more gentle side with our daughter.   More than anything, I am so secure with you because you are so secure in the Lord.   Thank you for leading our family to the Lord.  I can not wait to see where the Lord takes us next!




Ten years Later....